I wonder how many of us have stories of the heart that we wish we could share. I wonder what the little black books of secrets would hold that could possibly make me feel better in the midst of my own romance-movie-worthy story. There’s so much shame and ridicule attached to stories of the heart especially when that story isn’t the conventional one and nobody can really understand it unless they’ve lived through something similar. I’m talking of the stories and situations like falling in love with a married man, dreaming of a different love every night while your husband lays beside you, wishing on stars for the old love to return to you while dating the most fantastic person in the world… The stories that people don’t talk about because nobody understands they just shame and ridicule you. But this is the thing…those stories are true stories! They’re the ones we live for and share with our grandkids one day if we live long enough. The stories like The Notebook and Dirty Dancing and Sleeping with Other People are the stories of our dreams. We all secretly want the scandalous love story. We don’t want to be boring or have boring lives. We want excitement and to live fully despite rules and conventional wisdom. Fuck it. Throw that book of rules out the proverbial window and live fully through heartbreak and through bad choices. Somewhere between the safe relationship that is completely unfulfilling and the “wrong” relationship because it’s bad timing and inconvenient, lies a relationship that is both exciting and exceptionally fulfilling in all of the many dimensions a relationship should. And that’s what we are missing in society. But I will fathom a guess that those stories are the very ones that are chock full of truth and clarity but nobody wants to hear because they aren’t “right”.
I don’t want a conventional love story. I want my little black book and the thrills and passion that exist within its pages. I want my story to be a pop-up book that comes to life as you turn each page and the words of the story become the scenes of your dreams. I’m certain that this kind of love isn’t gonna be easy. It won’t always be pretty. It certainly won’t be “right” by many definitions but it will be right for me and my man. People won’t understand and they will ridicule our relationship but if they really knew the truth they would envy the love we share.
I can only pray for a space and time in my life where the love stories I have created, and will create, are seen for the love that was present and not for the rightness of them or lack thereof. In the end, every story I’ve enjoyed is a true love story.