I wonder if you remember one of our first car rides together. You couldn’t take your hand out of mine, you rested your hand against my thigh, you drove the long way so we would have more time together. You took back roads that were starlit and magnificent. When I asked where we were going you just smiled and said you wanted more time together. My heart swelled, my mind danced with all those words meant to me.

I wonder if you remember our first kiss. You said that was the moment where there was no turning back. No going back to the innocent embraces or the jokes full of giddy innuendo…it was me and you becoming an “us” after that kiss. Four years ago that feels like just a moment ago. Just a moment ago I had forever with you.

I wonder if you remember all the deep sensual smiles you gave me throughout our time together. Your laughter rings in my ears after a good joke or silly remark. We always laughed together. Some of our most intimate times, where I felt part of your soul, were full of laughter and lightness. It was magical and beautiful beyond comprehension. I still don’t have adequate words to depict their essence. I pray I never will. I pray it all stays a feeling inside my heart and not a thought. Because none of what we shared should be reduced to a thought. Not ever.

I wonder if you remember all the times you silently but warmly hugged me after some of my most scary and sad times. You’ve supported me through the roughest years of my entire life. 17 deaths. Divorce. Parenting struggles. Buying my first home. Moving. Job changes. Every blog post I’ve written under this page you were with me when I experienced those moments. You’ve seen my sadness. You’ve celebrated my victories. You’ve loved me through so much. I wonder if you realize this. And I wonder if it matters to you.


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