In the back of my mind

I woke up this morning and there you were, the first thought on my mind

I ate breakfast this morning and I wondered if you slept well and had eaten yet. 

I went outside to mow the lawn and all I could think of was how many times you’d asked me how my grass was doing.

I did the laundry and wondered if you have to do your own or if someone does it for you.

I made dinner and thought how much you’d have enjoyed the fried chicken, mashed potatoes, and sweet corn. 

I watched football and wondered what you were doing during the game. Were you watching too?

I went to the gas station and had a wardrobe malfunction which was hysterical to me and I found myself wondering how you would’ve reacted to it.

I made my weekly grocery run and I looked for signs of you in everyone I saw. 

Every red truck made me look twice to see if it was you. 

Every song on the radio made me remember something about the time we spent together.

From the most mundane to the most intense, you are there. In the back of my mind you dance and weave your way into my thoughts. You’re always with me. I breathe and I can feel your soul just a heartbeat away. I think and I feel your thoughts. I read and I feel your vibe.

I don’t know if all of this is usual processing after a heartbreak or if this is extraordinary but I’m not going to overthink it. I’m going to enjoy you in my thoughts. I’m going to let you exist in my life just like you do and go from there. I have so many things on my mind. So many questions I wonder the answer to and many others I just want to talk to you about. I just have to stay the course and be patient. I have to have faith that all of this is for good and that we will come out on top together, for the better and in God’s grace. There’s a deep sense of peace and knowing that I have about our situation. I can’t describe it well but in the depths of my soul I know we will be ok. I have to have faith in that.

Until the day comes when we will be able to resolve this conflict and get back on the right side of God’s will, I will enjoy your presence in the back of my mind, keeping me company and fueling my hope. ❤️

Thoughtfully,

The Repressed Peach

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3 thoughts on “In the back of my mind

  1. Hey Repressed…are you saying in this piece that God’s will is your relationship? And that your relationship will come out on top? Or that you will individually be okay as you get on the right side of God’s will? You write beautifully…I see you care so much…but did he keep you a secret? How did that make you feel?

    • My thoughts about being in God’s will is more about letting God restore the relationship in whatever way He sees fit. If we are meant to be together for the long haul, we will be. If not, then we will resolve this conflict and go our separate ways. I want everyone in this situation to be happy and well.

  2. Of course you want everyone in the situation to be happy and well. I believe you completely. I believe HUSBAND’s AP also did not intentionally set out to hurt me, or my children, but that is what happened. As I read your posts, I can see her hand on the pen, her heart in your utterances. And ultimately, HUSBAND chose me, too. I appreciate the insight into what happened on her end…please read my blog to get insight into what may be happening in the life/heart of the wife in your situation. It is somewhat chronological if you begin with the first entry back in November, 2015. Whether you do or not, I hope you find peace and joy in your life. And I am betting God has something astounding for you…even more than you wished or hoped for. Best to you, pressedpeach.

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