Angst

I have this deep seated need that I cannot give voice to. Angst in my soul. A restlessness that makes my soul writhe. A need so deep every cell is warring with the cell beside it trying to find solace; Seeking the very thing, emotion, corner of my body that will satisfy.

Seeking. Needing. Feeling. Hungry. Angsty.

I breathe you in and my mind alights with passion. All synapses firing. Body pulsating. Heart thrumming. Blood coursing. Electricity trickles through every nerve in my skin. Eyes dance with the sight of you. My mind and body are independent of any sense and I feel free to feel you near me. My soul grows out to you… I feel my soul reaching, needing, wanting every piece of you. The fingertips of my soul giggle in delight as they feel you reciprocate the energy. And then I relax. Everything is right.

Awake. Alive. Full. Satisfied.

You are my sustenance.

The recoil. The put it all away now. The time to leave. The angst flares back up. I feel the immediate need to connect again but then I feel so full from what we have just shared. I feel connected although we are meters or miles apart. The fingers of your soul are weaved between mine and we are unified. Stretched far and wide, we are one. Our souls know what they need. ❤

The Repressed Peach

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V Day and all it entails 

Tomorrow is Valentine’s Day. The day of lovers, love, togetherness, coupledom, romance, and all the beautiful aspects of relationship. For me, tomorrow is all about what I don’t have to celebrate.

I will not get flowers. I won’t get a card. I won’t get a hug, kiss, and a “Happy Valentines Day, baby” utterance. I won’t be going out to dinner. I won’t make love to the man in my life. It won’t happen for me. I will come home to my child, make dinner, do house chores, check on my classes, do some work work, and then tuck my boy into bed before I crawl in myself. I will sleep alone in my bed and I will quietly envy the couples sharing a warm bed loving each other fiercely. Some part of me is sad. Another part is angry. And yet another part just doesn’t mind because it still has hope. I don’t know which part will manifest tomorrow, but I’m hoping for the “don’t mind” bit.

See, life has seasons. Seasons of love. Seasons of alone time. Seasons of individuality. Seasons of strife. Seasons of growth. Seasons of sadness. Seasons of happiness. Seasons of patience. Seasons of humility. Seasons of gratitude. And so many others. The good news is that nothing is permanent. That’s the bad news, too. Seasons change so while you’re in one season things are taking shape for the future. It’s all about trust and faith. This is my journey right now. It isn’t bad, it isn’t good… it just is. I have to accept it.

One day I will have my person. I will share a love unlike any before. I will relish that season when it comes and I look forward to it dearly. In the meantime, I’m going to embrace the current season and glean all that I can from it in order to prepare for the next one.

If you’re single, I wish you a peaceful season of solitude and joy in the moment. If you’re in relationship, I wish you blessings and joy in a healthy, mutual relationship which nourishes you and emboldens you to be the best version of yourself. And I wish everyone a Happy Valentine’s Day! ❤

Peacefully,

The Repressed Peach