This has been the theme of my life for quite some time now and I just realized it this past week. Everything from my wardrobe to my relationships has revolved around my idea of accepting what it is as good enough for now. I’ve needed this mindset to survive. It was borne from a financial imperative when I first left my exhusband back in 2009 but since it’s just become a rut I’ve been stuck in.
Accepting your situation for what it is in the moment is a strong virtue. It’s a sign of strength, resilience, and understanding which I consider dope qualities in a person. At some point though, there’s an implied change that should take place due to the “for now” part of the motto. Situations should change. Dynamics should shift thereby making growth and change inherent.
So now it’s time I figure out what I want. What do I really want that makes me happy? I don’t have to sacrifice my happiness or desires anymore. I am financially stable enough to make decisions about furniture purchases. I can expand my professional attire. I can plan adventures. I can actually expect quality relationships with people and not settle for anything less than what I want. My season of “good enough for now” has reached an end. It’s the end of an era for me. It’s on to new and richer experiences without feeling guilty. It’s accepting and allowing myself to feel splendidly happy with my surroundings and my people in all aspects of my life. It’s time to accept greatness and not cheap substitutions. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not gonna go wrack up a bunch of debt achieving this new idea. No, in fact, I’m gonna make a plan. I’m gonna develop a strategy and be wise in my decisions but I’m gonna step away from the idea of self-sacrifice. I don’t have to live like that anymore.
I’m not sure if every mom goes through this or maybe every new family experiences this phenomenon, but I feel as though sacrificing our happiness for our families is good to a point. When you’ve lost love for yourself and you’re not inspired by the surroundings you’re in, then it’s time for a change. I need to love who I am and what I bring to the table. I need to celebrate me more than just on my birthday. I need to feel peace in my personal sanctuary. I need to feel freedom to experience life. I’ve limited myself out of necessity, but times have changed. If you know me then you know I’m not a plastic girl and I’m not a Betty Crocker either, I just want to live a good, happy, full, inspired life surrounded by great opportunities, genuine people, and a home that reflects the beauty of it all.
It’s been good for so long that I’m ready for great.
The Repressed Peach