Sexy. 

When I was a freckle-faced youngster with fiery red hair and pale skin, I dreamed of who I would be as a woman. I often imagined myself as a successful, athletic, fun-spirited, well dressed, intelligent, kind, and sexy woman. I would be in the career of my dreams, happy with my life, and the apple of someone’s eye. I would be attractive. I would be head-turning. But I would remain classy and tactful in all things. I would be well spoken, well traveled, have a deep character, a rich personality, be fun yet sensible. I would be an icon of the ugly-duckling story. A rags to riches story. A blow all the statistics away story.

And I am. I’m all of these things. Yet here I am suffering through waves of heart break and questioning who I am. I’m questioning my worth. It feels so silly but so bad all at the same time. I know who I am and what I stand for but I’ve made some questionable decisions in a relationship. And I’m tearing myself up questioning.

Does this relationship undermine all that I’ve accomplished? Does it tarnish my sexiness? Does it take away from the depth of character I’ve developed? Time will only tell I suppose, but I dare to say that I will turn this social blemish into a diamond in my crown. I will rise up. I will come up taller and stronger. I will remain just as valuable and cherished I was before and while I was in this relationship. I will be an accomplished, sexy, sophisticated woman with stories to tell and love abundant no matter the outcome of this situation. I will be no less than I was before it. I will be richer, fuller, more hungry, more alive, more well, happier and damn sexy! I can guarantee that!

Fiercely,

The Repressed Peach

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