Make no mistake

Make no mistake that my not chasing you is not an act of hate or regret, it is an act of love. Refraining from emailing, texting, or coming to visit you is the best way I know how to show you my love right now. You’ve made your decision. Her. And that is ok. It’s your choice. Who am I to tell you otherwise or try and convince you to choose me? It’s your life. Your path. Your choice. You chose, and out of love I have to respect that. I will keep my thoughts to myself. I will store all this love for you for all eternity. Maybe one day it will fade or transform into something else, but today it is abundant love. I just want you to know that I am secure in my choice to not pursue anything more with you. I will not disrespect your wishes. I will not haggle with you to choose me or love me. I will not stamp my feet in protest of your decisions. I will stand aside and let you make your life how you see fit. In the wings, I will watch and applaud your successes. I will celebrate you and encourage you every step of the way. I will not get in your way of happiness but smile happily that you’re moving forward and making life the way you want it to be. I do miss you. I do wish you chose me. I do wish I knew why we spent 5 years together and it resulted in just broken hearts. I do wish you all the happiness life can bring. And I do wish you peace in your choices. I do. I really, really do.

If you’re ever unsure about how I feel just read any post in this blog and you’ll find my heart pure and true to you. Make no mistake, my heart is and always will be yours. I will always love you. I will always be yours. Through and through.

Always and forever,

The Repressed Peach

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Musings.

As I watch the lady in the courtyard laugh sweetly at whatever her significant other just uttered I remember fondly the times I was in a relationship with someone where laughter came with ease. I remember the times when I’ve felt completely and utterly in love and overwhelming peace would swell in my soul. From the corner of my eye, I watch the couple sitting caddy corner to me and feel the lilt in my heart as I see them gaze lovingly at each other, nuzzled close shoulder to shoulder and whisper sweet somethings. It’s endearing and inspiring. The fire place is warm nearby. The cool fall air slips through the cracks around the windows. The soft music fills the space in between cold and warm and the souls sharing this space with me push everything higher, deeper, fuller. It’s nearly an ethereal feeling. The precipice of my mind pushes closer to epiphany and my soul ignites. I feel. I think. I am energized. There’s hope. Hope aplenty all around me. Fall comes, leaves fall, grass goes dormant, bees stop buzzing and skies stay gray. This is just a season. It’s the beginning of something new. The season must change to give way to the new season springing underground, piquing to life beyond where eyes can see. So much happens under the cloak of consciousness. Things beyond our comprehension are being orchestrated by forces uncontrollable. They’re divine. They’re purposeful. They’re beautiful. All things come to light and awareness in their due time. Patience is an essential component to enjoying the full masterpiece as it unfolds. Don’t rush it. Don’t force it to be something it isn’t. Just allow all things to manifest as they will in their own due time. The beauty and majesty of the divine will rock you, but it will be more beautiful than you could’ve ever planned.

These are my musings of life.

Expressly yours,

The Repressed Peach

Bball Season

Your favorite time of year has come. Basketball season. You’ll be full tilt at practice and at games on Tuesday and Fridays with some tournament games out of town. You won’t eat right. You’ll be tired. Your paperwork for work will slip a bit as you try to manage all of your responsibilities and meet deadlines. You’ll make it all work as you usually do. You’ll be graceful and kind. You’ll be sleepy in the morning and need your favorite Starbucks drink more often than not. You’ll beat yourself up a bit about not going to the gym and you’ll accept that you’ll gain 20 pounds that you’ll definitely work off in the spring once the season ends. You’ll pull late nights at home trying to catch up on everything and make time for family and down time. You’ll satisfy everyone else before you do anything for yourself.

Grit. You’ve got that figured out. Grace. You’ve got that down pat. Humility. You’re an iconic example. Dedication. The definition. Strength. Surely the strongest person I know. Dependable. You’re always there. Always available.

This season, like every one before it, will come with challenges and triumphs. This season, more than ever before, I wish you a wonderful season. May your scoreboard be full, your bench full, your team work as a team, and your Starbucks ever flowing. Have a great season baby! I will be cheering for you from afar and watching your success!

Love always,

The Repressed Peach

Affirmations

The story of me and who I am never ends. I am constantly a work of progress and sewn together with multiple strands of inspiration, hope, love, and encouragement. Sometimes those strands get tangled, and some might even break, but at the end of what I hope and envision is a masterpiece of life, the picture will be clear and the images where they’re supposed to be. At times, I feel the tangle, I can feel the stress on the threads before it breaks and in those times I need to find my footing again. I need to find balance and peace that comes from within. I’ve found in past versions of myself and in past experiences that affirmations are very powerful for me. So, I find myself in a place where affirmations might be the thing that propels me toward my more complete masterpiece. Here’s my first draft:

1.  Fall in love with who you are.

This season I’ve been in has caused me to lose sight of who I am and what I’m about. My confidence has been shaken and it’s taking a heavy toll on my soul and body. I have to get me back. Back into my greatest shape mentally, emotionally, financially, and physically. My spiritual confidence is destroyed right now so that has to be a great area of focus.

2. Focus on the now. Limit distractions. 

Like so many others, I find myself distracted by things that ought not be a priority. Social media is just perused out of boredom and escape from reality. I gain little from the abundance of time I spend checking, reading, deleting, reacting, etc to the steady stream of shit that flows from social media. Limiting that will ensure I avail myself to the things I need to do to improve my life.

3. Be brave. 

Like my confidence, my sense of bravery has wavered. I’ve found myself thinking pitifully about myself and my situation. Well, lemme tell ya, ain’t nobody got time fo’ that! Pity parties are for the feeble minded. I am not and will not allow myself to participate in that crap anymore. I will stand tall, be brave, and have confidence in what I am doing in all things great and small. I’m going to work on this characteristic. I must improve.

I will add more or edit as I make progress in my affirmations but I think this is a great place to start. I have to remember who I am and why I am who I am. Hopefully, I will remember soon and start acting accordingly. 😊

Thoughtfully,

The Repressed Peach