It seems like a bit of an oxymoron but as good as we were together and now being so far apart, I feel the distance growing ever farther and deeper. My dreams aren’t consumed by you. My every thought isn’t about us. My daily operations find fleeting moments of you and not prolonged musings of you. You are very much part of me, but like a new muscle I’ve developed, it’s like I know you’re there but I don’t think about you as much. It’s acceptance of sorts. I’m finding freedom in this. Freedom to explore depths of understanding I couldn’t achieve before. Self-reflection that I couldn’t do before because I couldn’t see beyond you. I’m breathing. I’m surviving. I’m feeling. I am hungry for life. I’m working toward my normal, selfless, authentic self every day that I wake up, place two feet on the floor, and get ready to face my day. It feels like I’m finally detoxing from all the holds you had on my soul, mind, body, and life. It’s bittersweet, ya know? Sweet to feel and not ache so deeply. Sweet to relish in the breath of air that fills my lungs which isn’t laced with you. Yet I miss you. I miss us. And I probably always will. Life has to go on and we need to move forward being our best selves without each other. You’ll never be forgotten, you’re etched into my soul. You’ll live forever in my heart and have been immortalized by these words. But breathing feels good and so does hoping again for a forever with a man who can be by my side. Now it’s time to pray for God to deliver this man to my life. Time to grow. Be well, love. Be well.
With great, eternal love,
The Repressed Peach